(The following post is a bit of a departure for this blog, but I thought it would be fun for summer. Enjoy!)
We were pressing our luck. I said as much to Jenifer, my best friend and partner-in-crime as we relaxed in the wave pool at the super, mega water park last summer. We watched our kids swim and play. The scene was idyllic—a perfect way to end the summer. Too perfect, I thought.
“Maybe we should quit while we are ahead,” I said with worry in my voice, referring to our trip to a smaller, older water park just weeks before. It went off without a hitch. “I hate to be superstitious, but since everything went so well last time, everything might go wrong today.”
“We’ll have a great time!” she said, smiling and waving away my worries. But I could see her smile fade a bit as she considered the same idea. “We’ll get through this,” she said, through gritted teeth.
We got through it, but barely. Murphy’s Law was in full effect that day. Whatever could go wrong, did—we were separated from my daughter in the rapids, her bikini top broke, the hot pavement burned our feet to crisps, our entire group was separated AGAIN from each other in the rapids and my daughter lost her precious earring (she made me put that one in). Mostly, it was a fun-filled, water-filled day, punctuated by moments of annoyance and unrelenting terror. OK, so I am exaggerating…a little.
So when Jenifer suggested we visit a water park together again this summer, I gave her the, “are you crazy” look for which I am famous. But then I relented. Maybe it will be different this time.
Based on last year’s experiences, here’s what I learned not to do when you go to a water park with young children. Learn from me and don’t:
Anticipate a relaxing time. The idea of a water park always sounds fun, but make no mistake, it is work. I always forget this when making plans. In my active imagination, I envision frolicking in the water with my children—smiles on our faces, love in our hearts. Don’t get me wrong, we do have fun. But the reality is that a day at the water park is hot; food is expensive; and kids (and adults) get tired. After a couple of hours, my children tend to have three moods: hungry, tired and whiny, and I have one: irritated. So bring lots of snacks and drinks and take frequent breaks to keep the little monsters, er, children, happy.
Skimp on water shoes. When I found some cheap water shoes at our local superstore, I thought I scored. We had to have the shoes to protect our tender feet, of course. They were a must! I continued to brag about what a great deal they were until, like two determined (or was it drunken?) salmon, we began to struggle against the current of the rapids. Then I slipped. Jenifer slipped. The kids slipped. Over and over again, like a Three Stooges banana gag on repeat. “It’s the water shoes!” I cried to my panicked friend. “The shoes!” But it was too late. Suddenly, the whole gang was swept into the current and into the violent foam of the not-so-lazy river—sold down the river, that is, for a cheap pair of water shoes.
Wear your cute swimsuit. This is not the time to think of fashion. Get out the mommy suit and wear it proudly, unless you like that extra exposure that comes from losing your top after sliding down that mega slide and hitting the water at 1,000 miles per hour. I didn’t think so. Oh, and did I mention having to haul your middle age behind into a fast-moving tube on a conveyor belt? And missing the tube? And stopping the line because you missed your tube? And the laughing? Always the laughing…
Lose your child in a water park...and expect anyone to help. Yes, I admit it. We lost our children in the water park. Actually, I lost mine twice. What of it? I blame the water shoes. All I know is don’t expect any of the lifeguards to act concerned when you swim across the rapids to let them know your child is missing/possibly drowned/kidnapped and sold into slavery. And definitely don’t expect them to alert others on their walkie-talkies—because they have none. Don’t worry though. The lifeguards are professionals and will comfort you with assurances that kids go missing “all the time” and that you will “probably” find them at the customer service booth. At least nine times out of ten.
Make eye contact with the creepily smiling family at the next table. Eventually we did find our kids (yes, they were at the customer service booth), and our reunion was a perfect storm of emotions. In the middle of all the shouting, crying, hugging, relief and despair--I felt a strange sensation, like I was being watched. I turned and found an entire family staring at us—smiling gleefully at our spectacle. I gave them my best, “I hope you are enjoying the show,” glare, grabbed the kids and our stuff, and high tailed it out of there. That will teach ’em for being so…happy.
Well, those are my tips. Wish us luck on our next trip! Do you have any water park stories to share?